Harry Potter and the Secret of the Glitter
by johndzyisourgod
Summary: 'Harry...I'm your father'... Than something loud banged dissolving his shape.Harry turned around.There,behind him stood none other then Darth Vader himself. 'That's my line,you motherfucker' Harry fainted.


Unable to bear the sight, Harry runs to the Headmaster's office, where all the portraits stand empty, and finds Dumbledore's Pensieve.

Harry pours Snape's memories into the Pensieve, and, hoping to briefly escape his own mind, enters the memories.

The shape of Severus Snape rose from the voice was empty and he talked very slowley and in his voice was something dark and deeper than usually.

''Harry...I'm your father''...

Than something loud banged dissolving his turned ,behind him stood none other then Darth Vader himself.

''That's my line,you motherfucker!''

Harry fainted.

Harry never told anyone what Snape told him in the Headmaster's office.

I mean,who would trust him if he said that he saw Darth Vader!

Everyone would think that he went crazy!

It was almost nine o' was just about to ,Ron and Hermione decided to come back to Hogworts and finish their 7th year.

''Bloody hell,what is this?!'',asked Ron pointing at the Hermiones new cat.

''It's Grumpy cat'',Hemrione answerd!

At that moment Harry saw them and joined them.

''I hate Dursleys!They are so mean!''

...and than cat started to speak! ''Good!I like Darsleys...Sort of''

After they entered the wagon, Harry decided to tell them all about the what heppened in the Headmaster's office.

''So...do you think Snape is your real father?'' asked Ron,very shocked.

Hermione asked: ''Does that mean...that after all this time,James is not your real father after all?''

,,I don't know what to think...But what's more immportant...DARTH VADER IF FUCKING REAL''

After some time Hermione decided to brake the awkward silence.

"Have you heard who the new Headmaster is?",she asked.

"They've already replaced Snape?",asked Harry.

"Yes",said Ron,"I've heard his name is Morgan Freeman."

"Yes,he was Dumbledore's twin brother!"said Hermiona.

"Dumbledore had a brother?" asked Harry.

At that moment, crying woman opened the door of their coupes.

She had black curly hair and looked slightly hysterical.

She was wearing black T-shirt withj sign that said 'I was overly attached girlfriend before it was popular,bitches'.

'' Good day, I am your new teacher of dark arts'',she said,''Oh,and by the way,Morgan Freeman is God!''

"Oh,and may I sit here? I am Anna Karenina! Terribly afraid of trains since I was run over by one. I was dead after that'',she looked sad and than asked,''Does Hogwarts has a wi/fi?''

'' I know the book you are from! My favorite character is the train,'' Grumpy cat murmured.

Sorting Ceremony has begun.

After Sorting Hat sorted students to their dorms,Headmaster stood up.

He seemed to be in his late hair was gray like the thing about him that attracted the most attention for Harry was his skin tone.

'If he was Dumbledore's twin,how comes he is...black?!' thaught Harry.

His thaughts were interupted by Headmaster's words.

"Quiet down,please",started Freeman.

"I would like to intruduce your new teacher of Dark Arts,Miss Karennina",stated he.

After a while Harry stopped listening to the speech Headmaster was giving,his attention now completly on the man that stood to headmaster's right.

He had huge scar across left side of his thought that if looks could kill,they all would be dead by around this man was scary and...gay?

Harry wondered who was that he didn't have to wait long to get his answers.

Headmaster pointed towards the man and said: '' Son of a bitch,that is my brother was hiding drugs in our school!And because of that we almost quit!''

'' I want my money! Dumbledore cost me money and money! Smuggled cocaine from my dealer and I haven't seen a penny!'' Then he pulled out a machine gun and started shooting.

''Say hello to my little friend'',he screamed.

After shooting he asked confused ,''Why is no one dead!?"

And Morgan Freeman answered calmley,''Trust me,they are,they're just to stupid so they forgot to die.''

And than Robert Downey Jr. came in danceing into the Main hall.


End file.
